Katakan Aku Hina

Katakan aku kosong, katakan aku hina
Tapi dibandingkan denganmu, aku tak berdosa
Aku terlalu suci untukmu, terlalu suci!

Aku tahu kita tak pernah merasakan indahnya cinta,
Namun inikah cara membalas salah dunia? Kepadaku?
Begitu sulitkah ka membinasakan rasa benci ini?
Tak kusangka kau berani sentuh harga diriku untuk kepuasan

Hanya. Kepuasanmu. Belaka.

Dasar makhluk egois!
Katakan lagi aku hanya karena aku terlalu suci untukmu
Lupakan kita pernah ada.

Untuk yang hatinya tersakiti oleh manusia-manusia durhaka

Quote #3

The dance is a poem

of which each movement is a word

-Mata Hari

Nevermind

Forget my last post. I was.... in a bad mood.

And I love my boyfriend oh-so very mucho.

Very very very mucho.

Infinite mucho.

LOL.

Insecurities

Some relationships are just not going to work. I don't know if mine is one of the "some relationships". I hoping to say it isn't, but looking at it right now, I think it is.

My feeling right now is indescribable.
It's too soon to say I love him, but I do. I care about him so much. I think about him all the time.
Where he is, what he's doing, who he's with, how is he feeling.
I just think about though, I don't go up to him and ask him everything.
I care that much.

I still don't know what I should think of him. It seems like he, supposedly, "loves" me. But from my point of view, he loves me but he doesn't actually does anything about it. He loves me but he doesn't care about me. I don't even understand him anymore.

In the beginning, everything was so clear. I can see he liked me a lot.
Now, it's just like there's love between us, but is there really any?

I'm not being selfish or anything, but I really just feel that he doesn't care.
I try my very best to make this relationship work.
Where's his part in this? I don't know. I really really don't know.

----------------------

Do I have to be the one who calls him first?
Do I have to be the one who talks to him first and say hi to him first on facebook chat?
Do I have to talk first?
Do I have to ask him first?

Do I have to be the only one trying?

Mornings

I opened my eyes, yet my body was not awake yet. I pulled my body upward and there I was, sitting on my white sheeted bed so soft, too comfortable. I stood up and enjoyed the morning breeze coming in from the window. The sunlight coming through those big holes, creeping unto my skin. I knew it was a new day. It’s a start for everything new and happy. I felt the cold floor on the tip of my toes. Beautiful little things in the morning that just wakes you up ever so slowly. I never want this to ever end.

Read this while listening to :

Beloved - Yiruma

Quote #2

What's in a word if

that word has lost it's meaning ?

"What's In The Middle" by The Bird and The Bee

They Creep Like My Cat's Foggy Steps

I hear footsteps, slow, unsure, sad
I turn to see who it was
But no one is there
So I settled back to my work,
intensely gazing at papers

I hear cries, faintly from afar
I turn to see who it was
But no one was there
So I went back to my bed,
staring blankly at ceiling

Memories don't stay too long
and they creep like my cat's
Foggy steps
It's presence is unknown,
coming to take you by surprise

Back Home

Buildings were tall,
And the sky wasn't as blue
Colors decorated the sidewalk
Krafts on the pavement

Hearts conjure
One at a time, teardrops fall
Maze and dreams altogether
Escaping to another world

Confessions Of A Broken Mind

They're just screaming it out
Can't they just stop?
Mad, that's how I feel
Sad, trying not to be me

I hate the pain
Following me all around
Wherever i go
Whenever i cried

I hate my past
Because it's filled with broken memories
I simply can't look outside my world
When you're trapped in those memories

I was stuck
I am now free
Free to fly and cry
Free just to be me

~ this is a long lost poem from my old blog. made in 2006.

Isle

In this Isle
I’ve seen the rising sun
In silence and nothing aloud
It is where,
People would dine for two
Not really, this isle is mine

It’s not a gold mine
All it is, is an isle
But I wouldn’t share it with two
Other people. They’ll fall in love under the sun
Well, this is not Eden where
The “naked truth” is allowed

I wouldn’t say this aloud
But this island is mine
It’s nothing the gods would wear
As a crown, but I’ll
Not judge that because
I still love this island for two

I hope you can see this too,
But this dream is not allowed
For the young daughter and sons
In the future of mine.
Without my little imaginary isle,
Which I will not find anywhere

This isle is also where
I could find comfort, love too.
I know it’s only an isle
And you’ve heard me, aloud
And many times I said it’s mine
And also about the great and beautiful sun

The truth is, it’s never about the sun
Nor about the feeling that wouldn’t wear
It is how this island is really just mine
And no other two
Roamers in my dream would be allowed
To trespass into my private isle

~
So they could find another sun for two
And leave to a place where they are allowed
This is mine, this is my isle

Quote #1

HOME COULD BE ANYWHERE

WHEN I AM HOLDING YOU

- "Adieu" by Enter Shikari

Childhood Dreams

Days went by
Eerie sounds of nature,
Across the forests of darkness
Trotted along to haunt
He still didn't wake up

In the mid of night,
She woke up and screamed

Screamed until she couldn't
Childhood dreams went back
And tortured her in her sleep
Ranting inside her all night, but she
Yawned and settled back to sleep

The Chair Of Eternal Bliss

As I sat on a small chair
The chair of eternal bliss
Finding someone that would care
Someone who willed for a kiss

The chair of eternal bliss
It shone like a star
My love is more than this
A dream, a dream too far

It shone like a star
And it blinded my heart
It turned into a frozen bar
Of ice that could break apart

And it blinded my heart
Made its love go away
I had to run back to the start
Because I ran out of things to say

Paint

Pressure gave me strength

And I splattered another crimson-colored liquid

Into the imagination box I went

Never to return

Time, our only hope

Tak Kan Kau Tahu Kau Sakiti Aku

Terlalu sering suaramu menggetarku
Sehingga kepalaku hanya penuh hening
Hening itu kuat dan berkuasa
Kekuatan itu menghempas fikirku
Keluar lewat telinga
Menggelinding dengan rongsok lainnya

Terlalu hening, setelah kusadari
Sehingga mulutku pun bergerak
Hampir membentuk diftong-diftong
Namun menolak suara
Bukan menolak, hanya tak bisa

Leher dan hatiku hanya bisa dingin
Tanpa tujuan, mereka ada
Sekarang sudah kututup jalanmu
Untuk menelusuri ke pedalaman asaku
Rutemu hilang, rutemu hilang!

Dan mau seribu kali kau ucapkan,
Mau seribu kali kau tuangkan,
Mau seribu kali kau bisikkan,
Mau seribu kali kau teriakkan,
Tak kan kau tahu kau sakiti aku

Karena hatiku dingin dan ideku telah tumpah

Karena pedalaman jiwaku tak tercapai

Karena aku tak lagi peduli

Karena bagiku, engkau tak pernah ada

Mata Yang Tak Terbuka

Di ujung ruang ia duduk
Dengan memar dan luka di sekujur tubuhnya
Matanya tertutup
Curahan hati mengalir dari dalamnya

Amis memenuhi ruang itu
Membuat penciuman tak mau mencium
Merah, semuanya mengalir deras, darah!
Ia masih menutup matanya

Lalu datanglah kering
Ruangan itu membusuk
Habis hingga binatang penghabisan pun lapar
Ia masih menutup matanya

Sekarang ruang itu hilang
Dan hanya sisa, lantai yang diinjaknya
Semua terang
Terbukalah semua dinding penghalang
Tetapi ia,
Ia masih menutup matanya

Hujan, petir, badai, dan malam
Mata yang tak mendengar, terbuka
Baginya semua masih sama
Gelap, hanya gelap

Di Atas Daun Kering

Mencari jejak sunyi masa lampau
Kutundukan kepala
Kulihat daun kering dihembuskan angin
Menerjang perlahan-lahan
Mendekati kaki, mimpi dimulai

Sebelum waktuku, mereka berkumpul
Sebelum waktuku,mereka memeluk
Sebelum waktuku,mereka tidak tahu

Namun waktu,
Waktu tak tahu toleransi
Waktu berjalan terlalu cepat
Tak mau ia menunggu

Kuinjakkan ke dalam lantai bandara
Kakiku ini, juga hati yang bertahun-tahun dibangun
Pedih rasanya, pergi
Pergi begitu saja
Menciptakan kontras di atas lembaran masa depanku

Sekarang aku berdiri di atas lembar penantian
Masih kosong melompong
Dengan cipratan musim kemarau
Dengan tangan bergetar dan mengepal

Aku tak tahu kemana harus melangkah

Tangan yang membantuku telah pergi
Binasa ditelan waktu
Tergantikan dengan ombak laut
Dengan alam baru yang menciptakan kebingungan

Aku pun tenggelam di dalamnya
Gelap,
Mencari sinar-Nya
Namun kemana aku harus mencari?

Kembali aku ke dalam pencarian
Di atas tumpukan daun kering
Tak mau melangkah